Yes, it’s a cliché. But nonetheless, it’s still true.
When I lost my Mum at 21, I never thought I’d get over it.
Actually, the truth is; I drank, drugged and partied so much after she passed, I didn’t even know what to think.
I didn’t deal with it well and that failure to deal with it healthily really set my personal growth back many, many years and took longer for the wounds to heal.
I was doing what came naturally to me at the time. I was already a party animal and the loss of my Mum just accelerated that.
I chased every distraction and I never grieved properly.
How you experienced this? Have you dealt with loss in this way? What wounds are you trying to heal?
If you're many years removed from the cause of your wounds, I hope you’re able to see them, and your resulting actions, with clarity now.
Thankfully I can, finally.
You see, although time heals all wounds, it’s your actions that determine how they heal.
They'll either heal well, or not. There isn’t much middle ground, unless the wounds don’t run that deep.
Your subconscious normally processes the “pain and suffering” you've been through and decides how you'll react to situations that present themselves in the upcoming years afterwards.
And it's through the habits, the repetitive actions over the years, the information your subconscious has gathered, that determines how you will react.
Now, not all wounds are to do with loss but I've been contacted by a few people regarding this topic so I thought I'd cover it.
And dealing with the loss of a loved one will almost certainly happen to all of us at some point in our lives.
It's an inevitable part of life.
Some people will deal with their loss in a healthy, positive manner where as others will go off the deep end and barely keep it together.
Our reactions are the result of our brain, fed by our subconscious, doing what it thinks is best.
However, the information and prior behavioural patterns we've absorbed into us, will naturally be what our brain and subconscious mind has to go on as far as how we then react.
Which means they may not always be our best friend in these sorts of situations.
By repeating the same destructive habits when dealing with your problems, you're training your subconscious mind to believe this is normal.
In your order to reprogram your behaviour, and in turn, reprogram your subconscious mind, you need to repeat positive practices until they become your new normal.
Pausing when you've suffered a loss is something I strongly advise.
From personal experience, I wish I had taken a bit of time to reflect. To mourn and grieve, without the use of substances to numb my pain and try to forget what had happened. If wish taken the opportunity offered to talk to someone.
But I'm here now to help you and give you advice so you don't have to go the route I did.
If you already deal with your problems, big or small, by boozing, drugging and partying then it's likely that's how you'll deal with loss. Especially loss of a significant person in your life, because that is all you know. That is all the information your mind has to go on.
But if you take the time to pause and think about how you're going to react then you're more likely to take a healthier route.
You need that extra time for your mind to recalibrate and process the information another way.
Your aim should be honour the memory of those that you've lost instead of destroying yours by getting smashed.
Been there. Done that. Don't recommend it.
I really hope this has helped you. Any questions or similar experiences you want to share, please don't hesitate to contact me.